Tuesday, 15 February 2011

Head Holiday.

I need a head holiday.  This last week more than ever has been an emotional rollercoaster, I realise that I am suffering with bad stress and I really need to remove some external stresses and practise some self care for a few days.

Yesterday I went to my Brothers wedding.  This was a stress for me in itself, I have never really got on with my Brother in the last few years, mainly due to his (now reformed) chronic drug use from the age of 11, he and his twin sister became Heroin addicts at the age of 16 and stole almost all my worldly possessions over a 10 year period, from jewellery to clothing, money and even once my car.  Both are now clean and a few years ago my Brother met a girl, they are expecting a baby in 6 weeks time and chose to marry yesterday, this in itself was a stress, but for the sake of the family, my Brother and mostly my departed Mother, I put everything to one side to attend the wedding with a good heart.

Shame my Dad couldn't offer the same courtesy.  He threw a complete fit, and refused to go, sitting in my Brothers house whilst we all went to the ceremony.  To cut a very long story short, his selfishness and total lack of compassion for my Brother on the biggest day of his life has both astounded and deeply hurt me.

He blames it on the loss of my Mum, said he 'couldnt face' the Wedding without her!! What poppycock! My Sister, Brother and myself were all devastated yesterday that our beloved Mother wasn't there, but for the sake of his only Son, he damned well should have put his selfishness to one side for the day.

My Fathers lack of support has been deeply hurtful, despite the fact that I organised every aspect of everything for him on my Mums passing, from Funeral to Legality and offered 24 hour unconditional support, he has never once asked me if I am coping, never once put his arm around me and said 'I am here for you'.

I feel orphaned right now, and I feel emotionally drained with everything.  A 'Head Holiday' is just what I need right now.

1 comment:

  1. Hello Sweetie, keep your chin up, you have a Daddy, and He loves you very much, and He is constant with that no matter what, you can always rely on Him.

    Is there somewhere nice close by where you can go take your dogs for a walk, or you could bake a cake for yourself one Sunday when the sun is shining and you are playing lots of wonderful Hillsong music... If you want a list of happy thing to do, I will write up one for you :o)